“Daddy mad? “A two-word sentence rocked me to my core.
I had been ranting to my wife about something from the kitchen while she changed our three-year-old son in his bedroom. I wasn’t upset with my wife, and I was definitely not upset with my son; however, at three years old, he didn’t know that. All he knew was Daddy was upset.
Why did his observation bother me so much? My son has a speech delay and was slow to convey his thoughts into words. His question for my wife was one of the first times I can recall him conveying such a complete thought.
Over the years, what I thought was just teenage angst was undiagnosed depression and anxiety. A few weeks after the birth of my first son, I sat in his room, holding him with tears running down my face. There was no reason to be sad. My wife is an amazing partner and was doing an amazing job as a first-time mom. Our son arrived smoothly and was perfectly healthy. Despite this amazing blessing, I was suffering from paternal postpartum depression (PPD). Some sources list as many as 1 in 10 men suffer from PPD in some capacity. It was shortly after that moment that I realized I needed to stop being prideful and ignorant of my mental health. I wanted to be the best father and husband I could. If I wanted to be at my best, it meant that I needed to get a handle on my mental health.
I began to see a therapist weekly. Working with my therapist helped, but I still battled tremendously with my mental health; in particular, I struggled with depression, anxiety, and the frustrations of life. I was too prideful to try any medication. I had given in to the stigma behind it and wanted to deal with mental health without the assistance of meds. Then, my son provided me with the previously mentioned reality check. My son was now old enough to recognize his daddy’s flaws. It was then that I realized that therapy was not enough for me, personally. I needed a little additional help.
After speaking with my therapist, I had blood work done. Unlike the first time I had bloodwork done, this time, I didn’t even throw up. After the blood work came back normal, my therapist referred me to a psychiatrist to find the right medication for me. The psychiatrist placed me on the lowest dosage possible of a popular antidepressant. After only a few days I couldn’t believe how much better I felt. I was embarrassed, I fell victim to a stigma and didn’t allow myself to get the simple assistance I needed for so long. After a month, I felt like I still needed a little more of a boost. After discussing it with my psychiatrist, my dosage was simply increased to the next dosage. My depression and anxiety have never been under better control.
Why am I sharing this story? Because the Surgeon General of the United States feels that the stress of parenting is a public health issue. According to the American Psychological Association, 41 percent of parents say they are so stressed most days they cannot function, and half say their stress is overwhelming.
As millennial parents, we are faced with what sometimes feels like an impossible task. We are trying to change generations of parenting styles. We are trying to buy our children’s basic needs as the bills and receipts become increasingly expensive. We are constantly told about the dangers of climate change, food chemicals and additives, and other harmful aspects of life. We are given the opportunity to buy bullet-proof backpacks for our kids. We live in a scary world that is often very troubling.
I am here to say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being stressed, overwhelmed, or in a poor state of mental health. I am also here to encourage you to take the self-care and assistance you need to be the best version you can be for yourself and for your children.
Sharing memes, Instagram reels, and TikToks about how stressed out you are to your parent friends is not an approved form of self-care or treatment. Are they funny? Absolutely! Does it help to bond over a shared experience? Absolutely! However, those things are not actually getting you the break you desperately need or deserve, as they are not providing your brain with the proper balance of brain chemicals.
Seeing a therapist is amazing and there is nothing wrong with taking properly prescribed medications! Take it from this stressed millennial dad, we owe it to ourselves, our spouses, our partners, and most importantly, our kids, to be the best version of ourselves. It’s okay to not always be okay. Sit with it, process it, and lean on self-care to refill your cup.